


Love Always Hurts

by Shy_St4r_Night



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Eventual Romance, F/M, First Impressions, Light Angst, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Romance, Romantic Fluff, Slow Romance, hurt mikasa, rivamika
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-13 13:41:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29527251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shy_St4r_Night/pseuds/Shy_St4r_Night
Summary: When Eren falls for Historia, Mikasa is left heartbroken. Still, she tries to get over her feelings for Eren. Who else to help her except Levi Ackerman, Humanity's Strongest Soldier.
Relationships: Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss/Eren Yeager, Levi Ackerman & Mikasa Ackerman, Mikasa Ackerman/Levi
Comments: 12
Kudos: 109





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer:** Attack on Titan is owned by Hajime Isayama. This is just a work of fiction.

###### 

~+~

A rustle from a piece of fabric echoed throughout her room as she held the dress out in front of her. The fabric was elegantly designed with a deep burgundy shade that she would have never considered as a preferred taste, but for tonight’s celebration she would make an exception. 

Mikasa pressed the dress against her in front of her floor length mirror. The colors splashed against her pale complexion nicely, which brought a slight smile to her pink-tinted lips. She needed to look nice tonight for what she was about to do. 

She kept that small smile as she began shedding her clothes. The refined dress replaced her military garb which grazed the floor as she shifted in front of the mirror. Her whole demeanor changed instantly when she looked back at herself.

The deep red tint complimented her pale skin and clashed beautifully with her dark hair. The only problem she had now was her hair. It had grown out again and fell past her shoulders. Nice and straight. 

Mikasa sighed, and ran her fingers along her bangs. It was easy to tie back when fighting titans, but not convenient for the look she was going for tonight. She turned and walked toward her chest of supplies. She searched for a while when she finally found what she was looking for. A set of carefully measured cloth. Mikasa then went to the sink to damp her hair. 

A trick she had learned to curl her hair from other female cadets was to wrap sections of damp hair around the pieces of cloth and wait. It was said that this would produce perfect curls which she hoped it did. Running around with strips of cloth in her hair was not the ideal image for the woman worth a hundred soldiers. 

While waiting for her hair to dry, Mikasa brought out her limited supply of cosmetics. A stroke of dark enhancers accented her eyes and sharpened her lashes. Once done she carefully unrolled her curlers and saw the drastic results. Her shoulder length hair tumbled lighty down her back in soft curls while her signature bangs fluttered over her face. It was a beautiful image. 

To finish her dressing her silky locks, she pinned back the sides with a pair of barrets. Now she was ready. She slipped on a pair of dark high-heeled shoes. Which was another accessory she normally didn’t don, but would make the sacrifice for tonight. It was going to be a special night after all. It had to be. 

~+~

When she arrived at the celebrations, Mikasa saw that she wasn’t the only one who was dressed elegantly tonight. Many of her female peers wore knee-length to floor gowns. While the males wore fancy coats and trousers. It really made them shine as they danced on the floor with their partners. 

Mikasa weaved through the crowd trying to find her friends when she was stopped by a young woman. 

“Mikasa! Hey!” She shouted, waltzing up to her.

“Historia. Hello.”

Historia came to a stop in front of her, then tilted her head curiously. “You look beautiful tonight Mikasa. I almost didn’t recognize you.” She smiled. “Are you looking for someone?”

“Thank you.” Mikasa almost blushed at the complement. “Yes, I'm looking for Eren and Armin. Have you seen them?”

The young woman shook her head. “No, but I can help you search for them?” She offered kindly.

Mikasa nodded, grateful for the help. There were alot of people who attended the celebration tonight and finding her friends would be a challenge. Together both women weaved through the crowd. On more than one occasion, male dancers would ask Historia for a dance. Which she politely declined. 

“You know you can go have fun. I can search for them myself,” Mikasa said when another male peer asked her for a dance. “I wouldn’t want to ruin your fun tonight.”

“Don’t be silly. I told you I would help you find Eren and Armin. And that’s what I’m going to do,” Historia smiled, straightening from an apology curtsy. 

The other young woman gave a hesitant nod. She hoped she wasn’t keeping her from enjoying herself. 

When they reached a particularly congested area, Historia seemed to vanish within the sea of people. Mikasa tried to keep up but a heavy push from an excited dancer knocked her back. She shot out her hand trying to grab onto anything to break her fall when she felt it. A pressure wrapped around her waist whilst a hand rested on her back. 

“Rather clumsy tonight brat.” A deep voice rumbled above her. She silently gasped, then narrowed her eyes on the man. Captain Levi, or rather Eren’s attacker. 

Mikasa pushed out of his hold, which caused him to raise a brow at her defensive posture. He watched her steady herself on some expensive heels, wondering why she sported a different look tonight. The Mikasa Ackerman he knew didn’t care what she wore just as long as she got her work done. Curious.

Levi straightened his posture, observing the woman in front of him who gazed anywhere but at him. He almost smirked at her skittish attitude. “Got something to say Ackerman,” he taunted, crossing his arms. 

At his tone, Mikasa tensed. “Yes.” She looked at him with a glare in her eyes. “Thank you for not letting me make a fool out of myself, Captain.”

He nodded, then watched as she opened her mouth again as if she wanted to add something. Though probably thought better of it and snapped her mouth shut. “Anything else.”

“No. Have a good rest of your evening Captain.” She gave a formal curtsy then pushed back into the crowd. 

Levi watched with an uninterested gaze as she left then turned around to walk back to the other higher-ups who crowded the wall, observing the soldiers.

~+~

Mikasa finally found her friends chatting with each other near a decorated wall. Even though most of her closest friends were there, a certain man stood out from the rest of them. His brown shaggy hair was slicked back, while his green eyes gleamed brightly. He looked especially handsome tonight, she thought walking up towards him. 

Once she reached the group she saw Sasha, Connie, Jean chatting with each other off to the side. Leaving Historia, Armin, and Eren talking amongst themselves. 

“Mikasa! About time you got here!” Armin shouted, holding out a hand for her. She placed her hand in his. “Historia said you got lost. We were just about to go search for you… You look nice by the way,” he complimented, and gave her a warm smile. 

“Thank you Armin,” she said, then turned to look at Eren. Appreciative green irises stared back at her.

“Yeah, you look really beautiful tonight Mikasa,” he said, which caused the woman to flush. 

“T-thank you Eren.” Mikasa replied softly, then touched the spot where his red scarf once stood. Although tonight she had decided to forego the material in favor of keeping her neck naked. “Eren-” she started when the man suddenly twirled to his companion on his right. 

“Hey Historia, do you want to dance?” He asked, holding out his hand. A light blush dusted his tanned cheeks. 

Historia quickly glanced at Mikasa. “U-uh sorry Eren, but I think Mikasa-”

“It’s alright.” Mikasa interrupted. “Go ahead. Have fun, both of you.”

The other woman nodded, placing her hand in Eren’s. “It would be my pleasure.”

Eren grinned, leading her out onto the dance floor. Mikasa watched as he placed his hand on Historia’s waist while she gently tucked her hand on his shoulder. A burning ache flew through her chest at the sight. She had wanted to be one dancing with Eren tonight. 

“Hey Mikasa. Would you like to dance?” Armin asked with a low bow. 

The woman gave him a small smile. “I would like that.”

He took her hand leading her out onto the floor then skillfully placed his hand on her waist. Mikasa was just about to place her hand on his left shoulder when Sasha tapped his shoulder. 

“Sorry Mikasa, but could I borrow Armin for a bit. Connie suddenly started feeling ill and has gone to the bathroom but hasn’t come out yet. Could you go check on him, please?” She begged.

“Of course!” Armin said. “Sorry Mikasa but I’ll be right back.” Mikasa gave a nod then watched as he left with Sasha. 

Alone once again, the woman walked to a nearby wall to watch the couples swaying on the dance floor. A particular couple caught her interest as she saw Eren and Historia. They both swayed with the tempo as if nothing else mattered to them. 

That same pain came back full force as Mikasa watched them. They both were enjoying themselves as they twirled and bounced. It was agonizing to witness but it was nothing compared to what happened when the song ended. As the last beat fell, Eren cupped Historia’s chin and claimed her lips with his own. 

Mikasa pushed herself off the wall with a powerful force. Her eyes widened as she felt her heart break. Only to deepen more when she saw Historia wound her arms around his neck. It was only a moment that passed but felt more like hours when Mikasa finally walked away from the shattering scene. 

She walked as fast as she could before she felt tears gather in her eyes. She couldn’t believe it. Her Eren had kissed Historia. She didn’t even know that he had liked her. A secret he had kept from her which stung her heart even more. A tear slipped down her cheek, causing her to open the first door she came across to spare her from curious eyes.

Mikasa blinked away the tears as she ascended the stairs to the roof. When she finally reached the top, the tears flew freely down her cheeks. She started to run only for her right high-heeled support to snap. This sent her tumbling to the ground as she sobbed into her arms. She tried to calm herself down but her tears wouldn’t stop flowing down her face.  


A crunch from the gravel immediately alerted her to someone’s presence. Mikasa pushed herself up to her knees when she saw that familiar suit and ascot.

“Oi. Are you okay brat? That was a nasty fall you took,” Levi said, standing above her with a concerned frown. Though once he noticed the tears sliding down her cheeks, he shifted uncomfortably. “It wasn’t that bad of a fall. What are you crying for.”

Mikasa brushed some of the tears from her cheeks. “Sorry. I didn’t know anyone was up here.”

She slightly cringed when she felt more tears collect along her lashes. 

Levi narrowed his eyes. “You didn’t answer my question.”

The woman didn’t reply, only brought her knees together so she could bury her face within her comfort zone. She shook with sobs as she once again tried to calm herself down. Though nothing seemed to be working until a strong hand started rubbing comforting circles along her back. Mikasa gasped, quickly catching Levi’s gaze with a questioning glance. 

Unemotional blue irises glanced back at her teary gaze. “Tch. What a pain. Just cry it out.”

The woman wept until she was reduced to tiny whimpers. Completely drained, she sniffed but still felt her Captain’s hand on her back. It was comforting but weird. 

She straightened her legs out but still kept her gaze down. The hand stilled as he spoke. “Done?”

At her nod, he removed his hand. “So tell me. What has the woman worth a hundred soldiers weeping like a child who doesn’t get it’s way,” he asked after a while of silence.

Mikasa wiped her eyes one last time before looking to the side. “Nothing, sir. I just had something in my eye.”

Levi sighed at her obvious lie. Mikasa was one of his best soldiers so her having a mental breakdown was not a good sign. Although he had a guess as to who caused it. “Don’t tell me it was the Jaeger brat.”

When she flinched he knew his answer. So something happened between them but what? He mostly didn’t care but Mikasa wasn’t just someone they could afford to lose. She was the best only compared to him when it came to Titan hunting. He sighed again. What a pain. “What’d he do? Not give you enough attention? Insult you?” He paused. “Find someone else to obsess over him?”

Mikasa inhaled sharply, as new tears gathered around her lower lashes. Levi raised a brow. So the Titan brat found someone else to drain. Perfect. Now his strongest soldier was compromised. Way to go Jaeger.

The two of them sat on the roof for a few more minutes when Mikasa wiped her eyes again. “Sorry Captain. You don’t have to stay with me here. You can leave anytime you want,” she whispered so softly he barely heard her. 

“Your dress is going to get more dirty the longer you stay on the ground.” He got up, ignoring her clear dismissal. He held out a hand to her. “Come on. Get up.”

She hesitated which caused him to frown in annoyance. “Get up Ackerman.”

Mikasa slid her hand into his effortlessly. He pulled her up, then began dusting off her beautiful dress with a handkerchief he pulled out of his breast pocket. 

“This is a lovely dress. Don’t tell me you wore it just to impress that brat.”

At her small nod, he sighed once again. Mikasa needed to stop being so goddamn dependent on Eren. He was only weighing her down to a higher potential she could achieve. “Figures,” he muttered, placing the dirty handkerchief back into his pocket with a grimace. 

“Sorry.” He heard the woman mumble. 

Levi waved her off, but still could sense a gloomy depression within her. “Oi! Ackerman cut that shit out. We all have our problems, you're not the only one. Deal with it like a true soldier of the wall.”

Mikasa flinched. “Sorry sir.”

The man rolled his eyes at her gloomy attitude. “Cheer up Ackerman. You do know that he’s not the only man in the universe,” he awkwardly stated. It was true though, from what he heard she had many suitors who she could leech onto. Anyone would probably be healthier than the Jaeger boy. 

“Yeah,” she replied monotonously, then looked up at the sky sadly. “It makes me sad though. Just as you said I wore this dress for him, but did I get to dance with him in it. No. Just another piece of garb that can wilt at the bottom of my chest.” She closed her eyes as another tear slid down. “I’m sorry Captain. I’m trying my hardest to stop.”

Levi stared at his soldier then gave her a moment of privacy to collect herself. After a second of glaring at the sky he held out his hand to her. “Give me your hand.”

Mikasa looked to the side, sheepishly. “No that’s alright sir. I don’t need it.”

“It wasn’t a question brat.” 

The woman almost bristled at his tone, but decided to humor him. Her hand slid easily into his. Levi gripped her hand gently then placed his other hand on her waist. Mikasa widened her eyes in shock that her Captain was actually going to do this. At his soft glare she quickly placed her left hand on his shoulder. 

“Hold on,” she muttered quickly, sliding off her broken shoe. Then the other. With her heels gone she now stood only a few centimeters taller than him which to her was the perfect height. 

It was clumsy at first when they started swaying from side to side. With mikasa never having done this before she kept stepping on his shoes. 

“I know dancing may not be a particularly practiced hobby of mine, but try to follow my lead,” Levi instructed, leading them with a strong glide. 

After a few more mistakes, they finally fell into a perfect rhythm. Levi guided her as they swayed to the music that leaked through cracks. The man artfully spun her out causing her dress to float along the floor beautifully. He caught her in his arms when he dipped her then pressed them back together to finish their dance. 

When the last note ended, Levi dipped her so low that her hair practically kissed the ground. Not to mention brought their faces so close together that she could count each individual lash he had. Something she normally didn’t get to see. 

They stayed like this, staring at each other until Mikasa brought a hand up to his cheek.

“Thank you sir,” she said earnestly. 

This seemed to snap him out of his reverie as he quickly brought her back up. He immediately let go of her to take a step back. “Your welcome Ackerman. I hope that filled up your dance quota for the night.”

Mikasa gave a light chuckle. “I suppose that could count.” 

She gathered her fallen shoes then looked up at the sky again. 

Levi felt as though he should say something but stalled in his haste. He gave one look at Mikasa who was starting to look more angelic in the moonlight. He shook his head at the irrelevant thought. “I’m going to leave now. Can I trust you not to throw yourself over the wall if I go?”

The woman nodded, not taking her eyes off the sky. 

“Don’t stay out too late, otherwise you might get sick. And that’s not something we need right now.” He frowned. 

Mikasa heard him start to leave but was surprised when she suddenly felt a hand on her shoulder. Levi turned her to face him. “Forget about Jaeger, Ackerman. You know that he isn’t worth your attention. Don’t let it affect your judgement as a soldier of the wall,” he stated then released her. He didn’t bother waiting for a response as he left the roof. 

The woman worth more than a hundred soldiers sighed forlornly before looking back at the bright moon in the starry sky. That was easier said than done.

~+~


	2. Chapter 2

###### 

~+~

A week had passed with Mikasa being able to avoid Eren aside from their daily drills. Even then she would make sure not to look directly in his eyes otherwise she knew she would break. It wasn’t until her squadron got called to scout the perimeter of the walls that Mikasa had to face Eren again. 

She tightened her green cape around her neck, then adjusted her brown boots. She was almost out the door when she saw the red scarf laying on her bed. Her hand hesitated on the doorknob, shaking faintly. A moment passed as she continued staring at the familiar cloth before she found herself walking down the hallway. The bright red scarf still lying where she left it. 

~+~

Mikasa fell in line as Levi inspected his squad for any malfunctions. The woman met his gaze briefly when he passed. He tried to dissect her mental condition during that second but she immediately threw up her guard blocking any emotion with an unwavering blank gaze. Levi silently sighed. After his short scuffle with her, he had been hoping that she would be back to normal. They absolutely couldn’t afford to lose anymore scouts. Not after their last attack.

He held back a quiet rage when he started remembering his fallen squad members. Their various profiles melting against his heart. The man clenched his hands trying to block out the haunting images, but one struck harder than the others. 

A pair of warm smiling eyes and peaceful smile painted onto a woman so devoted to him that she gave her life to ensure the success of a mission. It wasn’t fair that she got taken so soon, when she was so young. But, this is what they signed up for isn’t it? Levi continued walking down the line when he reached his horse. He gave the animal a gentle stroke before hoisting himself over the saddle. 

“Let’s head out!” he shouted, starting to depart. 

A chorus of confirmation rang out across the field as each soldier hopped unto their horses. Mikasa grabbed the reins of her horse, and caught a glimpse of Eren talking to Historia. Her dead expression watched as both fighters embraced each other. Eren’s arm sliding around the smaller woman’s chest. Then lean down to place a heartwarming kiss upon her forehead. 

Mikasa instantly turned away, gritting her teeth to keep warm tears away. She lifted herself onto her horse and followed the Captain as he began to charge towards the heavily guarded forest.

Once she began to find a steady pace, Armin rode up to her side. “Mikasa, are you okay?”

She side-glanced at him. “Yeah.”

Armin didn’t look like he believed her, but thankfully didn’t push the matter. Instead he kept a steady pace with her as they entered the clearing. 

The shadows danced around them while they passed creating an eerie setting. Levi held up his hand, halting his squad.

He strained his hearing to catch any sign of life but only silence greeted him. That wasn’t a good sign. 

Almost immediately his horse jumped back in fright. The startle cry alerting every one of his squad to the impending danger. The trees began to sway when a giant hand crashed unto some of his troops, effectively splitting them up. 

“A 15 meter!” Someone shouted. “And more coming!”

Levi threw a curse, hearing the Titans that were racing for them from afar. He didn’t waste any time as he jumped from his horse to activate his ODM gear. Soon, he was airborne reaching for his twin Ultrasteel blades to slice the Titan’s nape. He maneuvered his gear to allow him to pivot into a deadly swirl successfully carving out the essential portion of the Titan’s neck. The giant gave one last roar before it fell dead below him. 

Levi just stared at the corpse with unemotional narrowed eyes, trying to feel remorse for the person it once was. Though, emptiness still filled his chest. He gave the giant a fleeting glance then activated his gear to soar towards the other Titans that were approaching his troops. He would do everything within his power to prevent any casualties. He had to.

~+~

Mikasa jumped back from the Titan’s massive hand where it created a giant crater meters from where she stood. The beast roared, trying once again to smash the tiny targets that flew around it. Though it was proving useless since they kept moving. 

The woman operated her ODM gear to pierce the trees above the Titan so she could locate it’s nape. She soared through the air, pulling out her twin blades in the process. Her boots barely touched the bark when she saw her opening. Armin had distracted the Titan perfectly so it’s neck was left unguarded. Mikasa crouched, pushing all her strength into the balls of her feet. She was airborne in seconds, ready to strike the beast when she heard it. 

A familiar cry reverberated across the clearing followed by concern yells. She felt her heart constrict with worry. _Eren!_

She closed her eyes tightly as she lost her balance which sent her pummeling into the ground. The woman rolled in sync with the momentum to prevent any additional damage to her body. Once she slowed to a stop, she slowly lifted herself to her knees. Albeit, a little dazed. The only thought that ran through her head was whether Eren was okay or not. She very carefully raised her head, searching for that familiar head of shaggy brown hair. 

She spotted him standing protectively in front of an injured Historia. Aside from a steady stream of blood running down his face he was fine. It didn’t even look like he was in any trouble. Mikasa breathed a sigh of relief. Eren was okay.

“Watch out Mikasa!” A voice shouted from her right. 

The woman saw Armin activate his gear with his swords drawn. He held a panic expression upon his face and she didn’t know why until an earth-shattering roar resounded above her. The Titan she had been fighting earlier stood exceeding close to her. It stared at her with disdain in it’s giant eyeballs before it yelled, raising its hand. 

Everything seemed to happen in slow motion as Armin shouted her name once again in pure horror. He still flew through the air but knew that even with his speed he wouldn’t be able to reach her in time. His eyes watered with tears of losing his friend right in front of him. 

“Mikasa!”

The woman worth a hundred soldiers gripped her swords tightly, moving to stand when a pain traveled up her right leg. She gasped, sinking back unto the ground. A moment of sheer terror flashed through her, that she couldn’t move. Not at the thought of dying but knowing that Eren would be alone. 

The giant hand grew closer but just as she threw both blades up in front of her. The beast suddenly arched back clutching it’s nape. A barely visible swirl zoomed back across, slicing the remaining flesh. The Titan roared before it fell backwards. It’s flesh still sizzling as it bled out. 

“Captain!” Armin shouted, once he saw the man land directly in front of Mikasa. The strategist skidded to a stop, looking between both his Captain and friend. 

“Arlert. Go gather my horse and inform Hange that we will be retreating back to the city.”

“Sir!” Armin saluted, wondering why Mikasa and Levi were just staring at each other. Although, he didn’t want to question it since he was just given an order. He mounted his horse, lightly tapping the sides to get the animal moving. 

Once Armin disappeared behind the trees, Mikasa finally broke her staring contest with her Captain. 

“What was that Ackerman.”

“What was what, sir?” she asked, with that blank gaze.

“Don’t play smart with me, Ackerman.” He fisted her cape. “I told you not to let your judgement become obscured.”

“I’m sorry sir but Eren-”

“Doesn’t need you coddling him. In case you haven’t noticed Ackerman he is a Titan shifter and a formidable soldier that is quite capable of taking care of himself.” He looked at her with slight anger, sheathing his swords. “Don’t forget there are others’ who are depending on you. Not just him.”

The words stung as they left his mouth, because as hurtful as they were. He was right. Eren was strong. He could handle himself. Though that didn’t stop her from yearning to be by his side forever. 

Mikasa frowned, staring at the ground until a hand slid before her. “Stand up brat. Were going to start heading out.”

She placed her swords back into their holsters before gripping his hand. She began to stand when a quiet yelped escaped her lips. Her legs buckled beneath her causing a sort of chaotic event. The woman fell forward only to be caught by Levi. He wrapped his arms around her as she leaned all her weight against him. 

“What’s wrong?” He asked, adjusting his grip. 

“When I slammed into the ground I must have sprained my ankle,” she replied, and winced when she applied pressure to her injured leg.

“Tch. What a pain you are, brat.” He lifted her arm over his shoulder. “Put as much pressure as you can on me. I don’t need you to further injure yourself.”

Mikasa nodded mutely, feeling a bubble of guilt flow through her. If she hadn’t been distracted then she wouldn’t have been injured, but she didn’t regret it. At least she knew that Eren was safe and that’s all that mattered to her.

She did just as he asked and put almost all her weight on him. It took off some heaviness from her leg for which she was grateful. The woman felt him place his hand near waist when she felt her face flush slightly in embarrassment. However, she chose to ignore it in favor of watching the trees. It truly was an eerie place where they had been attacked. 

“You okay to move?”

“Yeah,” she whispered. 

Levi tightened his grip then together they began to walk where they had seen Armin go. Mikasa tried not to let her limp slow them down but after a while sweat began to roll down her hairline. She attempted to keep a straight face but eventually felt her breathing become labored. She tried again to conceal how tired she was by mashing her teeth together harshly. Only pure adrenaline kept her from crying out in pain.

“Well rest here for a bit,” Levi announced. 

“No that’s fine, Captain. I can still go further,” she argued.

“Really? Because your face says differently.” He untucked his arm to lower her to the ground. “What’s with the look, Ackerman? Did you think I wouldn’t notice?” He crossed his arms at her startled look. “You should have told me sooner that you were in pain.” He frowned. 

“Sorry, sir.” She straightened out her injured leg to get into a more comfortable position. “But I know that I have a higher tolerance for pain than this.”

“I know, but that still doesn’t excuse your pride of getting in the way of requesting rest.” He glanced at her then towards where he could hear horses whining. It looked like they weren’t far from where Hange was gathering the troops. “We’re close. Arlert should be able to find us faster here.”

Mikasa watched as he pulled out a handkerchief from his pocket to start cleaning the handles of his blades. She ideally wondered if it was the same cloth that had cleaned her dress a week ago. Probably not. Knowing Levi, he most likely threw it out the same night. Mikasa quietly sighed.

“Something wrong Ackerman?”

The woman gave a little jump in surprise. “N-no sir.”

Levi pocketed his dirty handkerchief. “Don’t play coy. Just ask your question.”

At his stoic gaze, Mikasa felt herself flush in embarrassment. “It’s not that important, really.”

She saw him cross his arms again, annoyed that she was stalling. Looking to the side, she started to draw faint circles in the dirt below her. “Well, I was wondering if that handkerchief was the same one that you had used to clean my dress back when we danced on the roof.”

Levi was grateful that she was gazing at the ground because she missed the slight widening of his normally narrowed eyes. “No. This isn’t the same handkerchief I used back then,” he said, and carefully concealed his unusual behavior. “I had to wash it because of how filthy it had gotten.”

“I see,” she replied, and went back to avoiding his gaze. Her finger glided along the sand, drawing anything from circles to swirls. 

That same feeling from that night came back of wanting to say something to her but his mouth wouldn’t let the words come out. He gritted his teeth in aggravation that something so trivial was getting stalled because of Mikasa. He wanted to know why she thought about that night.

Just as he opened his lips to voice his thoughts, a bray cut him off. Both fighters saw Armin leading a horse towards them. Although, he wasn’t alone. Eren and Historia followed closely, looking entirely battered. 

“Captain! Mikasa!” Armin yelled, waving his free hand. He stopped his horse to climb off and hand the reins to Levi. “Your horse, sir.”

Levi gave him a curt nod then noticed they only brought one free horse. “Where’s Ackerman’s horse?”

“Ah, I couldn’t find it. I think it got spooked and took off. Sorry Mikasa.” Armin gave her a sorrowful look. 

“It’s okay Armin. I can walk back.” Mikasa smiled slightly at his apologetic behavior. She attempted to stand up but staggered faintly. A hand balanced on her waist as she gave Levi a questioning glance. 

“Don’t be stupid. You can barely walk on your sprained ankle.” 

At the mention of her injury, Eren jumped down from his horse to sprint towards where she stood. “Did you hurt your ankle?”

He faced her directly which caused her to flush with how close he was. A deep craving bloomed in her chest at his concern. 

“I’m-”

“Are you hard of hearing, Jaeger. I just said that she has a sprained ankle,” Levi interrupted, not liking how Mikasa immediately switched back to fangirl mode. Mikasa threw him a glare when he interrupted her, to which he ignored. 

“Right. So how is she going to get back to the city? If she needs a ride, she can ride back with me,” Eren offered. 

Mikasa couldn’t believe that Eren just proposed to let her ride with him. Though, she immediately saw Historia who looked so tired that she was nearly falling off her horse. Then the memory of that night flashed before her eyes. Eren and Historia. Kissing.

She felt her heart break all over again as the memory resurfaced. “That’s alright Eren. I can manage.”  


Levi raised a brow at her change in attitude, a little pleased that she didn’t cave in so easily. “She can ride back with me,” he injected before he could think about it. Eight pairs of eyes looked at him in shock. He huffed in irritation. “Problem?”

“No,” they all announced quickly averting their attention.

“Tch. Get on Ackerman,” Levi commanded, leading her towards the saddle.

Mikasa furrowed her brows in surprise. “Are you sure Captain?” 

“I wouldn’t have offered if I wasn’t.”

Still she waited, trying to think of a good argument. Levi narrowed his eyes when he saw the wheels turning in her head.

“Don’t fight me on this brat. Just get on.”

“But, there’s only one saddle. How will you get on? There won’t be enough room for the both of us.” She blushed at the thought of having to hold him around his waist. 

Levi considered this. While having her hold onto him wasn’t uncomfortable, he didn’t want her struggling to keep a grip as they moved. So that only left one option. 

“Hurry up brat. You're giving me a headache,” he complained, nudging her closer to the horse. 

She looked like she wanted to argue more but finally did as he asked. With his help she threw her legs over the saddle, scooting back to make room for him. Levi glanced at her then took the reins of the horse, leading them towards where their group of troops were waiting. 

Mikasa had to grab the handle of the saddle to prevent her from tumbling off. She glared at Levi’s back for the sudden action. Still apprehensive that he opted to walk. 

Armin fell behind them, along with Historia. The only person they left behind was Eren, who watched their Captain lead his horse with Mikasa safely seated upon it. He didn’t understand why she rejected his offer. Normally she would have jumped on the chance to be with him. He stared at how Mikasa’s beautiful silk hair swayed with each step the horse took. 

“Eren, are you okay?” Historia asked, pulling her horse back. She placed a hand on his back bringing him out of his haze.

“Yeah. I probably just got knocked around too much today.” He smiled at her. “Let’s go.” 

Historia nodded with a smile. Together they both rode their horses to catch up with their group. 

~+~

“You know you didn’t have to do this.”

Levi kept his gaze forward as she spoke. “I know.”

“I could have walked.”

“And slow us down in the process?” He tugged the reins to keep the horse on track. 

Mikasa frowned. “No. I told you before my tolerance for pain is quite high.”

“So is mine, but you don’t see me boasting about it like a fool.”

The woman glared at his back, holding back a snide comment. She instead found her eyes drawn down to his personal saddle. It was a customary standard brown that had delicate patterns engraved all over it. She had never seen anyone personalize their saddle before, but his was very beautiful to look at. Her gaze swept over the designs until she found markings that weren’t consistent with the others. 

On the furthest corner of the saddle she could make out some signatures that had been etched into the leather. 

Furlan.

Isabel.

And Petra.

Mikasa felt her breath hitched when she saw the names. She didn’t know who the first two were other than Petra. The petite woman had been on her squad before she was killed by the Female Titan. Her death had affected them greatly. She had been so kind to her as well as Eren. She had even stood up for him on more than one occasion. Her heart clenched just at the memory of her. 

Her deep grey eyes landed on Levi. Did she mean something to him? For her name to be on the saddle? She had never seen them interact much other than missions. Had she been his girlfriend?

Many questions rose up within her as she continued looking at Levi. He was usually quite reserved so dragging answers out of him would be impossible.

So instead she grabbed the handle tighter to keep her questions at bay.

They traveled for a few more minutes when Hange’s group was spotted. The older woman was leading her wounded and Mikasa was glad that there were fewer casualties than last time.  


“Captain Levi!” Hange shouted, maneuvering her horse to walk beside them. “Having some horse troubles?”

“Shut up shitty-glasses,” he growled, looking at the many soldiers who were injured. “How many deaths?”

Hange hummed. “Not nearly as much as we had last time. Erwin is going to go over plans with us tonight.” 

He nodded. “Good. I have some notes I want to add.”

They continued walking until Mikasa spotted a cart. She started to slide off the horse when Levi halted her.

“What do you think you're doing Ackerman?”

She gaped at him silently. “I was going to give back your horse sir.”

“There’s no need,” he said, and handed her the reins. “Just be sure my horse makes it back in one piece. You hear me, brat.”

When she nodded to stun for words. He walked to the cart and hopped in with Hange guiding her horse to walk by the side. They began chatting once more when Armin rode up beside her. 

“Wow. Did Captain Levi just let you take his horse?”

“Yeah,” she answered, still in shock. “He did.”

“Well I’m just glad he didn’t make her walk back. You know how stern he can be about weakness,” Eren said, coming up behind them. His tone held an undertone of agitation. 

Armin sighed at Eren’s words. “Don’t worry Mikasa, I'm sure that the Captain wouldn’t have let you return on an injured leg.”

Eren scowled at Armin. 

“How-”

“Eren. Knock it off,” Mikasa interrupted, unaware that the words had tumbled from her mouth. She quickly averted her gaze and tried not to let his hurt expression get to her. “We should get going before we're left behind.”

She lightly tapped Levi’s horse to follow the rest of the troops as they headed out. Armin followed immediately but Eren held back to watch as his friends left. After a while he finally trodden off after them with a deep frown.

~+~


	3. Chapter 3

###### 

~+~

It was a few days after their scouting mission that Mikasa was outside after hours practicing her combat poses when she realized that the names on the saddle were constantly flowing through her mind. She fiercely swift kicked the air feeling her abdominal muscles burn with the strain. It almost felt good to be fighting again after her slight injury that had left her in a cast for almost a week. Though, being a fast healer she had gotten it off in four days. 

The woman threw another punch when those names popped up again. She clenched her hands, clutching her forehead. Why did they keep bugging her? It’s not like she cared about why they were important to Levi. 

They were just names.

But one had been Petra. 

Mikasa didn’t even know why she wanted to know about her relationship status to Levi, but a feeling just kept nagging her.

She grabbed her water bottle taking a big gulp, then placed it against her forehead. She had not seen Levi since he left with Hange that night they got back. All he told her was to hitch his horse and that was it. 

He hadn’t even showed up to their daily drills. A part of her was curious while another was concerned. The man just seemed to vanish and being ranked below him, she couldn’t just ask where he went. 

Mikasa exhaled looking at the moon. It was almost like the night they danced. She felt a small smile etch unto her lips as she thought about how he twirled her so delicately. She could still feel how her dress flew around her. The gentle sway of when they spun back and forth.

She didn’t completely understand why that night kept clouding her mind. It had just been the Captain being nice. Probably shouldn’t think too much about it, she thought. It had been just one dance.

She gathered her equipment and left so she could get some sleep before the next daily drills.

~+~

The next day Mikasa stood in line as a higher up barked orders on how they would be practicing for their daily drills. It was simple enough, just basic fighting skills. Mikasa got paired with Armin. Which wasn’t a challenge in itself but she was hoping for a slighter stronger opponent. Like Jean or Connie. So she could release some of her pent up emotions. Such as her anxiety over why Levi had been gone so long and why he had those names on his saddle. 

Armin charged at her with strong determination but threw his fist a little too late. This gave Mikasa the advantage of surprise as she grabbed Armin’s wrist, throwing him onto the ground. She placed her knee on his back to keep him still. 

“Good job, Mikasa.” The instructor said, bringing out a clipboard.

At his voice, the woman got off of Armin. She helped him up, but once she turned around to walk back to the sidelines. A pair of narrowed eyes silently observed her from the back. Mikasa just barely made contact when he began to walk away. She squinted her eyes, not entirely sure if he was really there. But, she could see the sway of his green cape as he walked away. 

A part of her wanted to follow him though she still had to finish her training. So, she would wait to seek him out till she was done.

Training ended with all the soldiers being tired, just like everyday. However, Mikasa just gathered her belongings to take a shower and find her Captain. 

The woman walked down the hallway towards where the showers were when she saw Eren. He was leaning against the wall, looking conflicted.

Mikasa stopped a few feet away. “Eren.”

“Mikasa.”

Both of them stayed quiet just staring at each other until Eren pushed off the wall. “Be careful with the hot water. The handle is sticking tonight.”

He walked past her and she thought about grabbing his hand but had to hold herself back. She just watched his back as he left, feeling conflicted about her current emotions regarding him. On one hand a part of her was devoted to him while the other was angry that he betrayed her. 

She shook her head and continued to the showers. Maybe a nice soak would help calm her nerves.

~+~

Mikasa walked along the corridor in a new uniform. She was on her way to find Levi, and hopefully have some questions answered. Although when she reached the dining quarters there was no sign of him. So she wandered around the halls until every inch had been explored. Still there was no sign of him. 

The woman frowned, then remembered one place where she didn’t look. 

The door creaked on rusty hinges as she slowly pushed it opened. A burst of crisp fresh air kissed her cheeks instantly upon meeting the darkening sky. 

A lone figure sat upon the bricks that lined the wall, gazing at the stars that were coming out. 

Mikasa halted her steps. Not sure whether or not she was intruding on a private moment her Captain was having. Just as she was debating on turning back or not. She felt her mouth open.

“Captain.”

Levi didn’t break his gaze as he kept staring at the sky. “Ackerman. What are you doing here?”

“I- I was looking for you,” she said softly. Reflective grey eyes looked at his silhouette and watched as the wind delicately blew strands of his dark hair around. “You were gone for almost a week.”

“How observant you are for noticing, but some of us have other duties that need to be carried out,” he said, and brought up his knee to rest his arm on. His clean uniform indicated that he had showered just as she had. 

“I see.” Mikasa stood beside him. “Do you mind if I stay for awhile, sir?”

Levi glanced at her. “No.” 

There was nothing but silence between them when Mikasa bravely took a seat next to him. She threw her legs over the ledge, looking out into the abyss of the starry sky.

Many stars lit up the sky, some shining more brightly than others. It was breath-taking just seeing how the bright orbs could make a night sky beautiful. Like thousands of fireflies flowing across the heavens. Mikasa never felt so peaceful from just being outside. 

She closed her eyes enjoying the harmony of the wind flowing through her hair, and caressing her face. She felt a light smile tug at her lips.

“Enjoying yourself Ackerman?”

Mikasa instantly opened her eyes to find Levi gazing at her. The woman turned away when she felt her cheeks burn with humiliation that he caught her during a delicate moment. 

The man smirked. A sign that he was amused that he caught her off-guard. “No need to be modest. During these times a person should be allowed to have a moment of peace to themselves.” He looked back towards the sky. “It helps keep most of us sane.”

“Is that what you’re doing up here, sir?” Mikasa stared at her thighs, letting her bangs shade her embarrassment. “Trying to find ‘a moment of peace?’”

Levi huffed in a form of a laugh. “More or less.” He slid his half-lidded gaze back unto her. “Though it is rare to find a moment of peace when a certain researcher is constantly going crazy over their findings. Being located in the room next door, their voice seems to carry even through the thickest of stone.”

Mikasa had to fight off a grin because that was just Hange’s personality. They were very energetic and eccentric when it came to their research. “Yeah, Hange can be quite a character I heard.” 

“Indeed, but their research is very valuable. So, I will put up with it for the time being.” He shifted a bit which caused her to bite her lip. It was a good time to ask her questions since he was more open, but she held back. Could she just intrude into his privacy like that? 

Her dilemma must have been very obvious since he sighed heavily. “Ask your question Ackerman.”

Mikasa fidgeted a bit, but faced him directly. “Who-,” she started, then had to break eye contact because she felt uncomfortable with what she was about to ask. “Who are the people whose names are on your saddle?” she asked gently. “Isabel and Furlan.”

The woman felt the man beside her stiffen instantly. She didn’t dare look at him in alarm that she overstepped her boundary. Instead she kept watching the stars as they still shined brightly unaware of the situation that she found herself in. 

“Isabel.” She heard him breath. “Furlan.”

__

_Levi, Believe in us!_  
_Two smiles echoed each other around him_  
_Two beautiful smiles that he wouldn’t see again_

His hands slowly curled into fists as he tried to block out their cheerful faces. 

“It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about them, Captain. I realize I may have overstepped my line of personal questions.” Mikasa quickly backtracked.

Levi narrowed his eyes, and felt a frown drag his lips down. He knew she was giving him an out, but for some reason he found words tumbling from his mouth before he could stop them. “They were my friends.” He paused, gritting his teeth. “No, more like my family before I entered the Survey Corps. They were the closest thing I had to a brother and sister. Since I had no family to call my own.”

His expression steadily shifted into an empty one when he felt the ghosts of his past catch up to him. 

_“Yahoo!” A young girl with reddish-brown hair howled, soaring through the buildings with stolen ODM gear. She performed a series of flips before landing carefully on a rooftop with two males following her. She faced them with a bright grin. “Did you see those cool flips I did!” The young girl boasted confidently, crossing her arms._

_“You better be careful Isabel, or next time those wires will cut you in half,” One of her male companions said. He ran a hand through his hair as he turned to the other male who was watching the area closely. “Right, Levi?”_

_Isabel stuck her tongue out at him. “You're just jealous cause I can do flips, Furlan. Right, Levi-bro?” She smiled at him, with excited eyes._

_Levi turned at being addressed. His face was hard when he spoke. “We need to keep moving, and Furlan is right. You can’t be doing reckless tricks Isabel. You're going to tangle up your wires,” he scolded her._

_Isabel winced then frowned sadly. “Sorry, Levi.”_

_She stared at the ground with regretful eyes when she felt a hand ruffle her hair. She looked up and saw her older brother smirking at her._

_“Although I’m impressed you were able to perform those flips without tangling your wires just now.”_

_Isabel beamed at the praise. Even Furlan gave a lively grin at the heart-warming scene. “Thank you, Levi-bro!” She smiled so radiantly that day, just from the little compliment he had given her._

His heart started to ache at the loss of his two closest family members. 

“Captain?”

Levi blinked, finding himself still seated on the bricked wall with the wind blowing all around him. Mikasa had her hand on his shoulder. Her touch felt like a pile of rocks weighing him down.

“Are you okay?” He heard her ask. 

“Yeah,” he responded automatically. 

She removed her hand and calmly set it on her lap. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” He looked at her with his carefully concealed expression.

“I made you relive some painful memories.”

He didn’t respond, instead focused on the trees below them. Suddenly, looking at the stars seemed agonizing right now. 

“For what it’s worth Captain. Your family sounded amazing.”

“They were,” he agreed. Then swallowed thickly. “The reason their names are on my saddle Ackerman, is because I don’t want to forget why I’m fighting in this war. I fight for those who are close to me in hopes that one day we can change the world and their deaths won’t be in vain.”

Mikasa nodded. Now she understood why he carved them unto his saddle. Though, she began to wonder why Petra was there. But, she didn’t want to cause him any more anguish tonight. So she kept her mouth shut.

Levi straightened his legs out so they dangled off the ledge. It almost felt awkward after he relived some of his guarded past, but he felt a strong connection with Ackerman. He couldn’t explain it yet sensed that she was someone he could rely on. 

Almost like Petra.

The man tensed. No. He shouldn’t be thinking about Ackerman like that. She was a formidable soldier but that’s all she was. Just another pawn to be played expertly by Erwin. He had to sever that connection between them before she ended up like his family. Or worse, like Petra. 

Her horrified expression still haunted him. Splattered against a tree with blood pouring out of her mouth.

He glared at the shadowed trees. “You said you were looking for me before? Why?”

Mikasa blew out a puff of air, hoping he forgot about that. “I was worried. Like I said you were gone for almost a week, sir.”

Levi felt his stomach sink. He had been hoping she wouldn’t say that. “I’m flattered Ackerman,” he sarcastically drawled. “I didn’t know you admired me so much that you worried about my well-being.”

A swish of her head had her bangs hiding her face. He could only see the soft shade of pink lips as she began to speak. “I admit that I wasn’t very fond of you when we first met.” Her voice took on a note of agitation. “Especially with the way you treated Eren, but after our last encounters-I saw that maybe there is more to you than what you show.” She timidly placed her right hand next to his, briefly making contact.

Levi saw her smile faintly and felt his heart constrict painfully. He couldn’t do this. Not again. “Don’t let it go to your head, Ackerman. I only did what I needed to ensure that you didn’t become a liability to the squad, nothing more.” He made sure to sound as emotionless as possible then removed his hand from hers. “As a Captain I have to make sure all my soldiers are in good mental health, so that they will be ready for any mission that arises.”

He quickly looked away when he saw Mikasa shrink away. He hated making her feel this way, especially after all she had been through. But it had to end here.

This special connection he felt couldn't grow into something deeper.

His gaze shifted to her when she slid back over the wall to stand. Her hair still hid most of her face but he could see her eyes gradually lose their shine. “I understand Captain, and I thank you for helping me,” she whispered. All the emotion gone from her voice. “Have a good rest of your night, sir.” She inclined her head slightly then turned around to leave. 

Levi listened to her steps retreat as he watched the trees sway against the wind. When he heard the door close he sighed. 

It was better this way, he thought, but didn’t let his gaze return to the sky as he left the roof to return back to his quarters.

~+~

Mikasa didn’t let her facade drop until she reached the safety of her room. It was only when she shut the door to her quarters that a tear slid down her cheek. Then another. The woman leaned against the door, sliding to the floor as her anguish broke through her tough exterior. She curled in on herself as her body shook with sobs. 

She wept softly but only felt it become more powerful when she realized that no one seemed to want her. Not Eren. Her heart clenched tightly. Or Levi. 

Just thinking about his name sent a powerful ache soaring across her chest. Mikasa bit her lip to keep her heartbreak from spilling out. 

She stayed on the ground, crying quietly until she gently closed her eyes. Her last thought before slumber took her was of a man with narrowed blue eyes slouched over the wall, head tilted as he stargazed entrancingly at the bright sky.

~+~


End file.
